IT is rare that you see a film that personifies the statement “All style and no substance” but that is exactly what the new film Red Riding Hood does. The newest film from Catherine Hardwicke ( the director that brought us the first Twilight film) Red Riding Hood is a hyper stylized confabulation of teen girl ubber fantasy.

If you go to Red Riding Hood thinking you are going to get an new and refreshing take on a classic folk tale – you will be disappointed. Despite a motivated art department doing what it can to elicit a sense of majesty and wonder – the “Fairy tale” feel comes off as almost comedicly awkward. With tree branches all abnormally pike shaped (see movie poster), and a range of fabric colors and dyes simply NOT available to medieval peasants, to call it Disneyfied does not even begin to cover it. If you enjoy a costume drama for the element of history – you will be even more disappointed. This film rubs its scrotum in the face of history. It features Galileo-esque devices wielded by Church authorities, industrial era venting ducts in a smithy, and last but not least – a party scene that is basically a RAVE. Just to name a few.

If you expect just a Romantic costume drama – again (unless you are under the age of 14) be prepared to be let down. What romance exists is deeply superficial. While I am not at ALL against a story line of passionate and distracting LUST on the part of the protagonists – it helps if there is ANY chemistry between the leads. Mouth agape and bosom heaving Amanda Seyfried carries the weight for BOTH her male leads. The barely post pubescent males that she must choose between (Oh Wait – THAT doesn’t sound familiar DOES it?!?) are both perfectly coiffed and styled to maximize tween longing. The film is really lacking any chemistry or depth that an older romance audience would be engaged by. Over all, it huffs and puffs – but this Wolf just Blows.