I, FRANKENSTEIN (0 out of 10) Co-written and directed by Stuart Beattie, based on the graphic novel by Kevin Grevioux; starring Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Miranda Otto and Yvonne Strahovski; rated PG-13 (sequences of intense fantasy action and violence throughout); in general release, playing in either 2D or 3D; running time: 93 minutes.
By Jeff Michael Vice
The makers of “I, Frankenstein” didn’t even get the title right. If they were naming the movie accurately, it would be called “I, Frankenstein’s Monster,” since it’s a story that’s told from the perspective of author Mary Shelley’s “Modern Prometheus” character and not his fictional creator.
Now to be fair, this isn’t the first movie based off the Shelley tale that makes that mistake. And it certainly won’t be the last one to do so, either. Besides, that’s the very least of the many offenses committed by this awful, but-not-awful-enough-to-be-laughed-off-the-screen action-/fantasy-thriller, which only uses the much-retold horror material as its launching point.
In fact, this might be the very worst “adaptation” of the Frankenstein mythos in recent memory. Cheap-looking, uninspired and utterly thrill-less, it certainly fits in with the slew of similarly putrid, cinematic “cast-offs” that Hollywood has cleared off the shelf and unleashed upon theaters during one of the bleakest months for major-studio film releases.
But before you come down too hard on the filmmakers and actors who participated in this atrocity, just remember that they have their names etched on this stinker for time and eternity. And that’s punishment enough.
Aside from a paycheck, you have to wonder what it was that drew “Dark Knight” co-star Aaron Eckhart to the project. He stars as the title character, who’s outlived his creator, Victor Frankenstein (Aden Young), and who now finds himself in the middle of a continuing battle between the forces of good and evil. Respectively, they’re the gargoyles (good), led by Queen Leonore (Miranda Otto), and the demons (evil), led by the sinister Naberius (Bill Nighy).
Both are hoping that the monster, now given the name “Adam,” can be the tipping point in this seemingly eternal struggle. At the very least, Naberius is hoping that his scientist assistant, Terra Ward (Yvonne Strahovski), can figure out how to duplicate Frankenstein’s body-reanimation process and create an army of nearly immortal warriors to help the demon army achieve ultimate victory.
If this looks akin to the hit “Underworld” movies, which got dumber and less interesting as they went along, consider that it comes from some of the same people. “I, Frankenstein” is based on a best-selling but utterly moronic graphic novel written by Kevin Grevioux, who appeared in and penned those earlier films. And it was helmed by screenwriter-turned-director Stuart Beattie, who collaborated with Grevioux on those screenplays.
Beattie’s lack of experience as a filmmaker becomes all too apparent. Judging by this film, he’s clueless about how you create coherent, thrilling action sequences, and he and his camera crews fail to conceal just how cheap-looking and unconvincing the film’s digital effects are (a problem that’s only magnified by the awful 3D conversion process).
So it’s really no surprise that, at times, Eckhart appears to be looking for the exit door. Or maybe he’s looking for the gym – his buffed physique appears to be the only thing anyone really worked hard on here.
As for Nighy, he does try to chew a little scenery and is perhaps the film’s only watchable asset. (The producers must have had blackmail material on Nighy to get him to appear in this garbage; after all, he did work with Grevioux and Beattie in the “Underworlds” previously). And the film’s supposed “eye candy,” Otto and Strahovski, probably didn’t realize how good they had it with the “Lord of the Rings” movies and TV’s “Chuck,” respectively.
Jeff Michael Vice, aka Jerk-bot, can be heard reviewing films, television programs, comics, books, music and other things as part of The Geek Show Podcast (www.thegeekshowpodcast.com), as well as be seen reviewing films as part of Xfinity’s Big Movie Mouth-Off (www.facebook.com/BigMovieMouthOff).