Calling all Big Shiny Robots!

Calling all Big Shiny Robots!

It has come to my attention that Mark Millar (The Ultimates 1 &2, Civil War, War Hero’s) and Tony Harris (Ex Machina – nuff said) are embarking on a cross country SuperHero Tour of Duty in support of their fantastic new series “War Hero’s” which sold out its first (over) printing inside of 24 hours.

It has also come to my attention that there is a stop on this tour -between Texas and Arizona that is “TBD” which I’m hoping to switch to “SLC”.

To this end – with the assistance of all Utah based Big Shiny Robots – I shall list the assets and incentives associated with a Salt Lake City tour stop. As tempting as it may be to be smart ass perverts, I hope we can all keep this list meaningful and accurate – that said, I can’t influence the depraved programming that many of you bots were built with.

First and foremost: Beer

Though to an outsider, Utah’s unique liquor laws prove a maddening obstacle to those seeking liquid refreshment – many of us bots have been programmed to expertly navigate said obstacle course thereby earning a sense of accomplishment whilst simultaneously drinking ones-self into a stupor. Not an easy combo. In short – beer shall be plentiful and provided free of charge for our War Hero’s. It should also be mentioned that Utah has more micro-breweries per capita than any other state in the country. It should also be mentioned that outside of Mark and Tony’s oceans of free beer – Mark owe’s me at least one for all the flattering reviews I’ve written for his books lately. Maybe just a pint of PBR.

Scotch:

How about The Glenlivet 15 year Single Malt French Oak Reserve? Is the French part is too offensive?

Travel and Lodging:

You will be put up – I assure you that won’t be a problem. Worst case scenario, I figure if Ryan Ottley and Tony Harris have shared an inker, surely they can share a bed. Ryan is a great cuddler with at least average hygiene.  We can figure out how to fit it into your itinerary as well…  We’ve got connections, maybe we can help with the travel.

Hosting:

There is a great Cinema Pub called Brewvies that we WILL convince to host a casual signing/drink-up. Incidentally, I believe they might be screening Wanted during the second half of August. How’s that for a 1-2-3 punch?

Sales:

We’ll work with all of local area comic book shops to move your books like crazy.  We know and like them all.

Exposure:

I’ve been assured that the good folks at the Geek Show would soil themselves to have Mark & Tony on their program, which is on iTunes podcast hotlist since their second week – receiving thousands (and rising) of downloads a week. One of the Grand Poobah’s of the Geek Show is also a host on one of the highest rated and longest running FM morning shows in the country. Can’t speak for him – but I don’t think a geek of his caliber would do everything he could to publicize this event… Paging Mr. Jackson? Mr. Jackson?

If the War Hero’s really wanted to whore themselves to as much media as possible – we have other friends on print and radio that would surely hop on board with interviews – spotlights etc.

The Eternal Perspective:

As many of you already know, Salt Lake City is the land of Zion and a visit to this sanctuary could very well insure your salvation. We’re also about a 12 hour drive from any meaningful comic conventions. We’re starving here…

In closing, I’d like to invite any and all of you loyal readers who give a crap about your country to bring our globe-trotting War Hero’s home to Salt Lake City. Any support/assistance or pestering of said War Hero’s would be appreciated.

Also – I’ll probably need some people to pitch in for that bottle of Scotch I promised.

Clang! Boom! Steam! – OUT