Hey kids! I’m back! Sorry for leaving you all high and dry for the past couple of weeks, but I had one of those baby things, so I’m just getting back into having a life again. Over the last two episodes of “True Blood” a few things have happened. Things of interest being:
* Jason gets raped by a bunch of Hot Shot hillbillies
* Eric loses his memory
* Alcide is back (yay!), but so is Debbie (boo) who has apparently kicked the drugs for good
* Jason escapes his captors in Hot Shot, hides in a tree and kills Felton
* Joe Lee is still a piece of shit, and so is Tommy’s mom
* Marnie ‘effs up Pam’s face, and I’m hoping that comes with HUGE consequences for Marnie
* Eric killed Sookie’s fairy godmother
* Bill totally banged his great great great great granddaughter
* Arlene’s baby is still totally creepy, and apparently can write on the walls?
That’s about it for the highlights, so on to this week’s show!
We begin this week where we left off last week. Joe Lee has a chain around Tommy’s neck in an effort to make him obey. Tommy’s dumb mother just keeps screaming shit like “You’re going to kill him!” and “We missed you, that’s why we’re doing this!”. These people are awful. I don’t even know why this is a story line, because I could literally care less.
And then things take an interesting turn… Tommy pretends to get choked out by Joe Lee, then throws down by wrapping the chain around Jo Lee’s neck and beating him to death. In an effort to save her husbands life, Tommy’s mom becomes a casualty as well. Finally, things have gotten interesting in the Mickens household. Five dollars says he goes running to Sam.
Meanwhile, in the middle of the woods, in another storyline I don’t care about, Marnie is passed out with Jesus, Lafayette and Tara. When she wakes up she starts babbling about the spirit and how she was overtaken by the spirit, blah, blah, blah. Lafayette once again explains to Marnie that it’s not good to piss off vampires and calls her a hooker. J, L and T then leave Marnie in the woods.
At Arlene’s house, she and Terry decide to ask God for help to “shoo the evil away” by getting a reverend in the house to cleanse it. Love Arlene and Terry, but again, could not care less about this story line.
Things are getting sexy at Sookie’s house, as a seemingly naked Eric peeks in on her sleeping. Suddenly Godric appears (yay!), and tries to convince Eric to eat Sookie (boo!) so that the two of them can walk in the sun together. They begin to chow down, when we realize that it’s just a dream.
The dream freaks out Eric so much that he decides to take the totally creepy approach and sneak quietly up to Sook’s room and stare at her with his fangs out. She wakes up (and is sporting the sexiest night gown you’ve ever seen), and Eric asks if he can sleep with her until sunrise. She agrees, so long as he doesn’t try any sexy-bitey things on her. The new Eric is adorable, but I’m really starting to miss super sarcastic, kind-of an asshole Eric.
Jessica and Hoyt get Jason back to his house, and he seems to be healing after the blood Jessica gave him in the previous episode. After they tuck Jason in, Jessica big time avoids a kiss from Hoyt. Things are not going well for these two, and that makes me sad.
At King Bill’s house, his great great great great granddaughter makes the entire viewing audience completely uncomfortable by trying to explain to granddaddy that incest is okay. Incest is not okay. Even if you can’t procreate with the other party. Gross. Thanks for taking us to new levels of weird there Portia…
Thankfully, Bill is as grossed out by this as I am. He compels her to stay away from him, even going so far as to make her terrified of him, and run away screaming when she sees him. This makes me happy, because hopefully it means less Portia.
Pam goes to King Bill to ask his permission to kill the “uppity wiccan cunt” (possibly the best line in any television show ever), because nobody fucks with Pam’s face. Dumb Bill tells her he cannot permit that because the AVL does not permit any vampire on human attacks. Bill says that the situation would be resolved, and that perhaps there might be a cosmetic solution to Pam’s problem, maybe more lipstick. Ever so sarcastic, Pam peels a hunk of her face off, flicks it at Bills floor and said that she’s already tried that. God, I f’n love Pam.
Jesus and Lafayette are going on a road trip (yay!) to Mexico (boo!) to visit Jesus’ grandfather to get help. Fun fact! One time, when it was Jesus’ birthday, he thought his grandfather was giving him a pet goat. That was, until his grandfather made his stab the goat to death, and Jesus hasn’t seen him since. Do I smell a new racial stereotype?
Tara decides not to go to Mexico with the boys, and after she finishes smoking a cigarette (which is totally bad for you, ESPECIALLY when cage fighting), calls her girlfriend. But things are not well on that front, as her clearly irritated gf asks her “Who the fuck is Tara Thorton?”. Bum bum buuuuuuuummmmm (dramatic music)
Wonderbot’s premonition comes true when Tommy busts into Sam’s house asking for help, and showing his the dead bodies of Joe Lee and his mom in his van. Tommy asks “What are we going to do?!”, and at that point, I just wanted Sam to look at him sarcastically, and say “Um, don’t you mean what are YOU going to do?”. But being the good guy Sam is, of course he’s going to help Tommy get rid of the bodies.
At Merlotte’s, Sookie turns on the charm with Holly to get the information about the location of the witch’s den. After she (psychically) gets the info, it’s off to the Moon Goddess Emporium! Sookie turns on that classic Soookie charm and convinces Marnie to give her a reading. When she does, Gran comes through and tells Sookie to stay away from Marnie, and to run. When Gran says run, Sookie runs, so she got the heck out of there.
Reverend Reynolds and Lettie Mae (Tara’s crazy assed mother who is now MRS. Reynolds) show up at Arlene’s house to get the devil out by burning sage and singing crazy Baptist church hymns. My oh my, how I have missed Lettie Mae’s craziness.
Sam and Tommy are trying to find a good place to hide a body, when Sheriff Belfleur decides it’s a good day to pull somebody over. When Andy finds blood on the van door, he figures that’s enough probable cause for a search, and tells Sam to open the doors to the van. Tommy is hiding in the back of the van with the dead bodies and a shovel, ready to strike if needed. Come to find out, turning one’s self into an alligator saves you the trouble of having to smash someone in the head with a shovel. Andy is sufficiently freaked out and lets Sam go.
Bill’s witch spy goes to speak with Marnie, and Marnie is promptly taken into custody by the AVL.
Ugh. Then it’s back to Tara and Sookie eating ice cream and talking about being a lesbian and we have the same “Whoa is Tara” conversation we have all the time. Tara either needs to change her situation and stay away from Bon Tomps once and for all or kill herself. Whichever one gives her less time on the show, I’m totally good with. Also, with the amount of ice cream these bitches eat, it’s a miracle they’re not 700 lbs.
Blah, blah, blah… Uninteresting witch flashback to the Spanish Inquisition… The witch thing needs to get significantly better or be over with as soon as possible.
Uggggghhhhhhh… Eric wakes up, and Tara (who is still at Sookie’s) freaks out. This is when I really start to hope that Eric kills her once and for all. Tara gives me a headache.
Bill and Marnie have a discussion about Eric’s whereabouts and reversing the spell put on Pam. Marnie basically pleads the fifth, and Bill decides to glamor her to see if she’s telling the truth about what she’s told them. Turns out, she totally is.
As Jesus and Lafayette make the shortest trip to Mexico, they are approached by Jesus’ grandpappy who says he’s been expecting them.
Alcide it visited by a dirty biker who explains that he is not a happy camper because Alcide has been living in Shreveport for four months and has not registered with the local pack master. There is a showdown between the dirty biker and Alcide when he tells the dirty biker that he’s basically a free agent at the moment. The dirty biker leaves, and I have a feeling this is not the last we’ll see of him.
Back in good ol’ Bon Tomps, Tommy and Sam dispose of the bodies in a pond. This pond doesn’t look very big, and has a dock, so I’m guessing it won’t take much to find the bodies. That is until the alligators eat them. Ew. Sam tells Tommy it was alright to kill Joe Lee and his mom because he was at war with them. Not really the best advice.
After taking Jessica’s blood, Jason dreams about sticking it to Jessica. In the dream, Jess talks about all the stuff Hoyt likes in bed. Then Hoyt enters the dream, and it gets infinitely more hilarious.
Sookie and Eric are discussing all of the shitty things Eric did as his former self, then they make out. After all of the sugar coated words by Eric, I’m totally ready for him to go back to being a total douche. He and Pam are the dream team of sarcasm.
We round out the episode with a meeting at King Bill’s place. In the closing minutes of this episode we learn that Marnie’s goddess’ name is Antonia and in the 1600’s, as she was being burned alive, she used the necroman (sp?) spell to pull all of the vamps within a 20 mile radius from their beds, into the daylight to their true death. Pam accidentally narcs out Sookie, by telling Bill that’s where Eric is hiding. This displeases Bill, and we end the episode with Bill leaving.
Okay, so this episode still featured a whole lot of shit that I don’t particularly care about, but they have at least progresses the plot line, which makes me super happy. There was a sizzle reel for the rest of the season that premiered at SDCC, and it seems like the second half of the season is going to pick up bigtime. I’m sincerely hoping that is the case, because this season has been less than awesome to me. They have managed to introduce WAY too many characters, and I’m really hoping that they’re not approaching “jump the shark” territory. I love the show, I love the books, and I’m hoping that this season can still redeem itself.
To view the “True Blood” season 4 sizzle reel, click