Over the past month, The CW has seen fit to bestow on us a superhero show that is surprisingly not a crap-fest! The show of course is Arrow. Aside from being apparently colorblind, the show is based on the exploits of Oliver Queen, also known as Green Arrow. I’ve been keeping up with the show, and am generally approving of it. I did have a little problem though. The flashbacks to Ollie’s island origin are infuriating little snippets, and I feel we’re never going to see the full story. To that end, I decided to just relate the tale myself, with the help of the inimitable Jack Kirby. So without further intro-padding, the Secret Origin of Green Arrow!
Our tale starts as Oliver and his young ward Roy Harper are lounging and watching TV, when a convenient to the plot news item pops up: an expedition is sailing to Starfish Island to explore this previously unknown area! Usually, we would say “Who Cares?” Ollie however just about has a coronary! He orders Roy to suit up as Speedy and get to the Arrowcave and board the Arrowplane! You see, aside from having a severe case of Bat-envy, Oliver knows that if they don’t reach Starfish Island before the expedition, his secret identity won’t be worth diddly. En route, Green Arrow explains why his identity would be compromised, and being a captive audience, Speedy has no choice but to listen…
In later re-tellings, he fell because he was drunk. I like to think this version of Green Arrow is just a clumsy guy.
Stranded on the island, Ollie, not being a complete idiot, tries to get his bearings. On the other hand, he muses to himself that the shoals of the island are so rocky that rescue would be impossible. I might believe that, except we now know an expedition is sailing to the island. Maybe boating technology in the DC Universe skyrocketed in the time since Oliver became Green Arrow. Regardless, Ollie soon finds a cavern that he can call “home”, and then realizes that he’s going to have to find food if he’s going to survive. Using techniques he learned on the Discovery Channel, Ollie fashions some rocks into arrowheads and ties them to perfectly straight branches to make some shafts. I’ll spare you the training montage, but suffice to say, Oliver practices for days before he gets a nosh, so it may explain his lack of common sense…
“Yeah, this time I’ll remember to reel the damn thing in!”
With Ollie finally getting some food in his belly, he starts to get a little obsessed with his trick arrows. He modifies his rope arrow to actually launch a net to catch many fish, which is indeed genius. However, his aplomb for figuring out nifty arrows is akin to a stoner. “Hey, that rock would make an excellent arrow!” “Whoa, that pile of bird crap would make a kick-ass arrow, dude!” This culminates with the invention of the drill arrow. Admittedly, it’s a cool concept, but the execution of such a device using only the items found on an island is just a little hard to swallow.
You have no idea how difficult it is not to make this article one long stream of “gripping the shaft” jokes.
And so, Oliver is content to spend the rest of his days on an island, with only his ideas for new arrows keeping him “sane”. More power to him, but we still haven’t learned why present-day Ollie was freaking out so much in the beginning. Did he mark his territory in such a way that it’d lead back to his civilian identity? Well, yeah, kind of.
“Here I sit, broken-hearted…”
And so ends the story of Oliver Queen, washed-up billionaire, destined to spend his days as a strange combination of Gilligan, the Skipper, and The Professor. Then one day, Oliver sees a ship off the coast. He’s either thinking they’ll be good for a rescue, or at least an opportunity to show off his cool arrows to other human beings. Luckily for him, it turns out to be both! As he swims out to the freighter…
“Gangnam Style!”
Oliver makes short work of the villains, using the drill arrow (I guess he still had some elastic left) to bore into an oil drum, causing them to slip and fall in a truly stooge-like fashion. Then he uses the net arrow to well, net them. Ollie and the bad guys make their way back to civilization (with help from the non-mutineering crew, no doubt). When the authorities on land ask who this green-clad fellow with the impeccable aim is, Oliver now knows the path his destiny will take!
“I was going to go for Hawkeye, but M.A.S.H. & Disney have lawyers, man!”
And there you have it, the origin of Green Arrow! But wait! There’s still the little matter of the expedition discovering Ollie’s cave-diary. Sadly, Green Arrow and Speedy get there a smidge too late, and the expeditioners are about to enter the cavern! Ever the crazy arrow-inventor, Green Arrow just happens to have an arrow for the occasion. I will warn you though, this particular arrow is as inexplicable as it is hard to swallow.
Pardon me while I ready my “suspension of disbelief” arrow.
And so, the day is saved… again. You’ll note that the expedition did actually enter the cavern, though. If they bothered to look up, Green Arrow’s crimefighting career may well have been over. As it is, the expedition just figures a primitive people may have lived on the island at one time. Yes, primitive people who somehow discovered how to make a net arrow. Way to go Green Arrow, not only did you do some self-serving identity protection, but you’ve also screwed up a small piece of history for generations to come!
” target=”_blank”>“Let’s get the hell out of here already. Screw history!”
This story originally appeared in Adventure Comics #256 January 1959 It has been reprinted in The Green Arrow by Jack Kirby and The Jack Kirby Omnibus Vol. 1.