This episode features Tom, Tyson, Nick, Lucas, and Jon.

Jon delves right into Horizon Zero Dawn. He doesn’t ride horses, and Tom wants to know how he hunts robot dinos then? It’s Terminator meets Game of Thrones meets Jurassic Park and it’s incredible. Imagine a sci-fi Skyrim. It’s the prettiest game Jon has ever played and he's not ashamed to admit it. The game has ridiculous attention to detail. They used a female protagonist to hopefully maybe teach people how to treat women! Everyone wants to fuck Jon. Jon’s doing all the quests. He thinks his character doesn’t know what sex is?

It’s a good time for games. Mass Effect next week, then South Park (if it doesn’t get delayed again).

Then, are you ready for conversation?

Tom and Lucas got the Nintendo Switch. Tom had a harrowing experience with Target trying to  get his Switch. Lucas just strolled into GameStop and got his. Jon and Tyson just saw shelves and shelves of them. It seems no one else had a problem with their pre-orders. Having trouble hearing through the joy-con? You’re just holding it wrong. Some skins destroy joy-cons so everyone gets a refund. A good solid minute of adhesive talk. CNet tests include knocking it over, so really only a few design flaws.

Lucas had a whole page of notes. Jon thought it was his journal.  Lewis Ward thinks that by the end of the year, 8 million Switches will have been sold. Wii U was a gimmick, Switch is innovation.

Jon translates Lucas’s notes into poetry as the guys delve into Zelda talk. Nope, wait, more dock-talk.

Now Zelda! Nope, just kidding, cartridge talk. Don’t lick it, don’t put your dick on it. Some moments of ASMR for those who are interested.

At this point I don’t think they’re ever going to talk about Zelda…?

Wait here we go, eventually Lucas gets around to talking about how incredible Zelda is. It’s like Zelda meets a modern western RPG. Tom’s wife Anna is waaay better at Zelda than he is.

General consensus: just go buy it. Switch and Zelda.

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