What a time to be alive. This year, “Civil War” came to the big screen, and it was amazing. The X-Men battled Apocalypse, and it was - well it was pretty OK. It was cool. I mean like not the best but far from the worst. I waited 21 years for a “Preacher” series, and the one that aired May 22 did not disappoint. There’s another Star Wars movie this year. The Empire dude and the LEGO dudes are making a different Star Wars movie. Ghostbusters. Independence Day sequel (not even remotely ashamed of how excited I am for that). Jessica and Matt and Luke, oh my! Until today, I would have told you that there was no possible way for me to be more excited about being a nerd in 2016. That’s totally true. By May 31, not quite half way through the year, I thought the universe had exhausted its annual awesomeness allotment.
And then Netflix announced they’re doing a G.L.O.W. series. BUT WAIT. It gets even better. Two of the creative minds behind “Homeland” and “Orange is the New Black” will be showrunning and executive producing with Jenji Kohan, creator of “Orange is the New Black.”
I’ll pause while you pace furiously while fanning yourself because you totally have the vapors. Or maybe you need to call someone and shriek the news in their ear. Before you do, however, please note that this will be a scripted show, not actual lady rasslin’. Er, OK, scripted differently than actual lady rasslin’.
Raise your hand if you are old enough to remember G.L.O.W. Every Saturday night I tuned in. My parents played cards with another couple and we were allowed to watch SNL because nobody knew we prooooobably shouldn’t have been watching SNL. The hour before? G.L.O.W. The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. And it was glorious.
For those who didn’t raise their hands: “The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling" was a one hour show that featured skits, songs, and a whole lot of rasslin' (to call it "wrestling implies you take it seriously). Kind of like "Hee Haw" only not as professional. The show filmed in Vegas, and ran for four years in what is arguably the greatest fashion era know to man - the mid to late 80’s. The giant hair was matched only by the epic kitsch. And the single greatest part of the show? When the ladies would rap their own intros before entering the ring, all atop the exact same beat. You can watch all 14 cringe-worthy minutes of the first season’s raps here, because God bless the internet.
There was Big Bad Mama, who looked like an abomination borne of John Waters and the Insane Clown Posse. Or maybe their mother, had they shared a womb. There were about four “Farmer’s Daughters” over the years, and same for the Belles and the Headhunters. Dementia carried a doll and stared blankly and eerily at her opponents. She kind of did the Mankind thing way before Mankind did the thing. I don’t even want to think about the erotic fiction that has been dedicated to Little Fiji and Mountain Fiji.
The new show will mostly focus on one character, an actress who sees the wrestling as a final effort to live out her dreams. I am so hopeful that the show will be able to use all the characters I so fondly remember. Except maybe leave Palestina out. That one was pretty racist.
Pictures of the ladies are shockingly sparse on the internet. And just a thought - if you have any G.L.O.W. memorabilia, you are about to be very popular on eBay.