ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS THE ROAD CHIP (2 out of 10) Directed by Walt Becker; Written by Adam Sztykiel, based on the characters created by Ross Bagdasarian; Starring Jason Lee, the voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, and Jesse McCartney as The Chipmunks, Christina Applegate, Kaley Cuoco, and Anna Faris as The Chippettes, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Josh Green, Tony Hale, Bella Thorne, Eddie Steeples, Jennifer Coolidge; Rated PG for "some mild rude humor," Running time 86 min; In wide release Dec 18, 2015.
Did we need another one of these? Obviously the answer to that is yes. But what is undoubtedly the worst movie for children since Dreamworks Animation's abysmal "Home" earlier this year is going to be a disappointing consolation prize for any kids who didn't get Star Wars tickets.
In fact, I propose that instead of coal being given to naughty children for Christmas, that they be told they're going to see "The Force Awakens" and then instead go to "The Road Chip."
Well, actually, some kids may enjoy this. It's bright, colorful, and full of high-pitched music and pee and poo jokes. If that's your thing, I won't judge.
But it does take a bunch of incredibly talented people and force them to read the most atrocious lines to empty space where CGI chipmunks will later be placed. I hope the checks keep clearing for Tony Hale, Jason Lee, and the strangest cameos from Flula Borg and John Watters that indicate maybe the creative team behind this movie wanted to try to make this better, but were constrained by the fact that it is the fourth movie about these chipmunks.
The plot (do you care?) is Dave takes a trip to Miami with his new girlfriend to the album release party for his new up-and-coming musical act. The chipmunks begin to suspect he will propose to her and they join forces with their would-be stepbrother Miles to go to Miami to stop it. While on the way there, they run afoul of an air marshal (Tony Hale) and are put on the no-fly list. Hence, a road trip. . . with Hale in hot pursuit for completely inexplicable reasons.
Of course, not a bit of this makes a lick of sense. And of course we're supposed to learn some sappy lesson about family, but I just couldn't remember it after the supposed comedy sequence that included peeing and pooing your pants while in the security check at the airport, to which the TSA Agent says, "I'm not paid enough to deal with this."
Yeah, me neither.
Of course, this is an upgrade from previous "jokes" like this in previous movies in the series, including a poo-eating joke in the first film. So I guess we shouldn't be surprised.
Or maybe even disappointed.
This is just so utterly predictable.
2 out of 10