“American Horror Story: Freak Show” Episode 4.7 – “Test of Strength.” Starring Evan Peters, Michael Chiklis, Jessica Lange, and Sarah Paulson; Written by Crystal Liu; Directed by Anthony Hemingway.
I literally just heaved a sigh. I typed the blurb, pondered the task ahead of me, and sighed deeply, with resignation.
Last week we were left wondering if Jimmy Dildohands had tripped on his good intentions and stumbled into his own grisly, stabby death. Nope, he met up with Dot and Bette at Chez Applesauce, where they revealed that not only were they (kind of) having a good time, but Elsa had sold them to the Motts. He assumes that Dandy and Mother are performing some deviant and or torturous acts on the twins and tells them to come home, but it’s not until Dot realizes that Dandy was reading her super secret diary that she gets pissed enough to convince Bette that Dandy is a little off, and that it is in fact time to return to the carnival. Dandy remains moderately restrained, until the scene ends with him staring into the camera as if to say “SOMEBODY GON’ GET STABBED.” Sadly this scene also featured one of the worst effects I’ve seen on the show: When Dot and Bette departed the room it looked, well, like a shitty effect. This is the one area where I hold the show to high standards, so this was a true let down, versus all the other jabs I take at the show.
OK, cue the credits, then the bullshit.
What. The hell. Was that. Evan Peters sang a Nirvana song and I just… You know what. I’m just done. I’m sighing again, and I’m also telling my pets how done I am. This is maddening. I’m not even going to be sorry if there is point to all the musical numbers, or if they’ve been a clue to some bullshit twist. And I’ll tell you why: If the only clues are songs with no theme whatsoever (except all of them have won Moon Men, maybe?), then that’s lame, and if there are other clues but they’re overshadowed by your bullshit musical numbers, that’s terrible writing and I say good day to that. Good. Day. And look, I don’t enjoy saying bad things about Evan Peters. Well, OK, I kinda did last year because he was given the worst part in that installment, but he’s a good guy. Quicksilver? Two enthusiastic thumbs up. Talented and funny guy. But WOW that song should not have happened. There’s the usual complaint, that it did nothing to further the story (and this time not even within the episode), but beyond that it was just awful. None of the performers on the show would probably get a “yes” from Simon, but that’s OK. That’s why they’re performing in a freak show, yeah? But mercy this was bad. It was so overproduced it made Peters seem like a terrible singer, even though he very well might have a talent for it. It was like Mutt Lange ate a bunch of mushrooms and just turned all the knobs all the way up. “No, you guys, listen – I’m making it shiiiiiny. I’m making the music shiny…” My boyfriend has made me listen to crust punk and that was still the worst production values I’ve ever experienced.
All right I’m done ranting on that. Oh wait no I’m not because these people have worked on “Glee.” “GLEE”!!! They know how it’s supposed to wo-
Nope, really done now.
What else happened. I don’t know. Oh! Dell got caught having a tanty at the dude ranch by Stanley, who promptly blackmailed Dell into murder. In move that makes total sense, he decides to target Amazon Eve as his victim. He fails. Like, a lot. Amazon Eve kicked the snot out of him, which I admittedly enjoyed, which led to a poignant scene involving father-son bonding and vomit. Yes, Jimmy and Dell discuss the true nature of their relationship and we’re left to wonder if Dell really does have a conscious. We’re given the same indication when Dell does carry out his end of the deal with Mystery Crotch, but it still bothers me. Dell has been King Turd for his entire tenure, and if he does carry a burden (preferably one heavier that digging dudes) that buries his heart o’ gold, we should have been given clues, oh, I don’t know, like six episodes ago? Arbitrary changes in behavior to represent character development do not sit well with me. That being said, Chiklis is a beast of an actor and is absolutely making the most of what he’s given.
Two sub-plot characters were dealt tragic hands in this episode, and while one made me cock a brow, the other – for now – showed insight and forethought.
Ethel and Desiree arrive at Kindly Country Doctor’s practice only to find it permanently closed for business. They enter anyway, because it’s the 50’s or whatever, to discover he has taken his own life. They are given the news by the “other” daughter, one who obviously felt shunned and distant from her father.
In the second venue, Opium Waitress sassed her butthole of a father a little too much, so he drugged her and hired some dude to do a full body tattoo and to fork her tongue. That makeup, by the way, was breathtaking. And if she remains a semi-regular character, the commitment to that makeup effect is nothing short of awe-inspiring. She staggered back to the carnival, where a devastated Paul held her while he blamed himself for the horror she’s endured.
I think I understand the point of these vignettes, or rather I think I understand that they had a point. And the way I see it, it’s a simple device to show us that the norms are in fact the “freaks.” Kindly Country Doctor had a doctor he allegedly didn’t treat very well. Stuffy Sadistic Dad didn’t want his name tarnished. Unfortunately the doctor’s tale is another example of arbitrary behavior to advance another area of the plot; with his departure, Ethel has no chance for survival. Opium Waitress, on the other hand, harkened back to Paul’s shame at his vanity when sharing his reasons for leaving the tattoos below his neck. The callback was graceful and subtle, and in the AHS drinking game, subtlety is most definitely a chug. At any rate, I hope that we get to see more of their story, because at this point they’re the only characters I care enough about to root for a happy ending.
Also Elsa is still playing the twins against each other, but we all know that’s gonna end in tears for at least two of the involved parties so who cares.
The internet is giving me conflicting reports as to whether or not we return next week, or will wait until after the holiday. If we do indeed have a mini hiatus, do me a favor and watch something brilliant next Wednesday at 10. You know what, watch this episode of “Glee,” which is easily the most moving thing I have ever seen in the Ryan Murphy oevre.