“America Horror Story: Freak Show” Episode 4.4 – “Edward Mordrake Part 2.” Starring Jessica Lange, Evan Peters, and a bunch of other people who are making questionable career choices. Written by Jennifer Salt, Directed by Howard Deutch.
Friends and neighbors, we’ve been talking about shows for a few years now. I think you are familiar with my deal breakers – those little things that cause me to make the “I smell a fart” face. If you’re just tuning in, I’ll go ahead and reveal them: I don’t like being smacked over the head with a metaphor, and I don’t like fictional universes that set forth rules and then completely disregard them. One implies that creators don’t have faith in the intelligence of their fans, and the other undermines all credibility for cohesive and truthful storytelling.
So, yeah. American Horror Story. I’m literally just sitting here, shaking my head, with one eye rolling back. Let’s begin by recapping the events of “Edward Mordrake, part 2.”
We return from our cliffhanger as Edward and Voldemort the Parasitic Twin enter Suzy’s abode. She shares her darkness, and her story is edited with parallel confessions from Paul. This sequence was without any doubt the highlight of the episode. As harrowing as Ethel’s tale had been the week before, these stories of traumas and pains past were told by actors with real differences, and though they may not have experienced the specific pains that were scripted for them they have undoubtedly encountered fear, apprehension and mistreatment because of the way they look. Especially touching was Paul’s explanation for not tattooing his face: Though parts of him are misshapen, he has the face of a movie star and couldn’t bring himself to disfigure it. And even though Suzy killed a man because he could dance and she couldn’t, Mordrake spares both of their lives and continues his hunt through the Cabinet of Curiosities.
He passes by Pepper and Sally, innocently playing with ribbons, and moves on to Elsa. Elsa is continuing to make a giant butt of herself by insisting she’s ready for her closeup, even after seeing Voldemort the Parasitic Twin. Mordrake finally makes her realize that he’s their to recruit her for something entirely different, but of course she must first share her sins.
No, Elsa was not a Nazi. Nor did she lose her legs to Nazis. She was a dominatrix. She made men ejaculate gold – I shit you not that is a direct quote from the show – and also sit on rusty nail toilet seats (business side up, a-thank you). As her career and popularity grew, so did her audience. A group of men would gather to watch her torture customers, and one day they told her it was time for her starring role. She was drugged, and then they cut off her legs with a chainsaw.
WHAT THE EVER LOVING SHIT. I’m so mad about this! I’m not even gonna lie or posture about all the horror I watch, that shit is messed up. And also completely without a point. Elsa is obviously a lunatic – that’s her “freak” trait. She couldn’t make it as a professional, lost her shit, and now thinks a dead guy made of green mist with a fucking face growing on the back of his head is a talent scout. Why did she need to be an amputee? So they could mention snuff films. That’s it. That’s the only reason. I see the writers’ room: On the white board are brainstorming bubbles with shit like “jawless clown,” “lobster hands/dildo hands,” and “Lana Del Ray” written on it. The writers are all drumming their pencils or staring mindlessly at their laptops when suddenly the new guy busts in, raises his jazz hands, and says “YOU GUYS. You guys. Snuff films. AMIRITE?!!?”
So Mordrake picks the Poor Man’s Marlene Dietrich instead of, you know, the people who were born with differences that made them “freaks.” He picks as the “purest” the woman who was made a freak because of her own vanity and greed. I guess that’s like, commentary? Or something? Whatever, I don’t even give a shit anymore.
But wait, I do. Because rules.
Right as Elsa is about to be harvested, Mordrake (who also apparently has werewolf hearing), hears circus music from the woods. Yeah, it’s Twisty. He and Dandy are performing for the kids. Oh, and also Jimmy and Esmerelda, because they decided to follow a filthy clown carrying an unconscious child into the woods. Even though they were just at a payphone. Because of course they did. But in comes the Green Mist and Voldemort the Parasitic Twin, and so begins Twisty’s Tale of Despair.
Twisty was a real clown. He loved it. He was also simple, and the “freaks” at his former place of employment hated him and told lies that made Twisty unable to gain clown employ. So he returned to his camper alone, as his drunkard mother had passed. He lived a lonely life, tried to sell toys and failed, and then tried to commit suicide and failed at that. Hence: Jawless clown. So Twisty’s story up to this point kiiiiiiiiind of makes sense, at least if we’re grading on the AHS curve. He killed those who were mean to him, or those who represented past cruelties. He hoarded children so that he might clown for them, except years living as a dirty jawless hobo clown kind of warped his sense of whimsy and he scared the crap out of them. But then the show squashed my dreams of a “Puttin’ on the Ritz” number, and Mordrake took Twisty to the Big Top in the Sky. Or probably hell.
I’ve been trying to rationalize this decision in my head, and I got nothin’. Really? Twisty, the simple man child who loved to make kids happy is a “pure freak,” and not the pointy toilet seat lady? Commentary? Help me out here, friends and neighbors. All I know is that now the character billed as the Big Bad is gone and Dandy the human tampon is wearing his mask and –
Oh yeah. Spoilers ahoy.
Remember last week when I said Dandy was probably going to kill Dora? And also earlier in this article when I said I hated rule breaking? Well cue *sassy “uh-huh” face* here.
There was no musical number this week. I thought this would make me happy. But then I realized that for three episodes, we had a “pop song from the future shitty interlude.” RULES. If it made little to no sense before, it makes negative sense now because that dreamy surreal shit needs a pattern to have a purpose. But more than that? You’re gonna kill Patti LaBelle on the episode you don’t have a musical number? You’re gonna kill her and not have her sing some Marilyn Manson or something? God I hate this show.
The townsfolk now believe their children and streets are safe, and they also credit Jimmy Dildohands and Blondie the Psychic. As such, they are now enthralled with the sideshow and its inhabitants. Sadly, they are unaware that Dandy is now wearing a Cheshire grin (that he did not wash out first, might I remind you), and certainly highjinks shall ensue. Dennis O’Hare showed up for a hot second and we still don’t know what’s in his pants, and the show closed with an obligatory Dot and Bette event in which Elsa demonstrates that she learned nothing by being semi hell bound with Seneca Crane and He Who Must Not Be Named.
Join us next week for more dartboard drama and pretentious gore! Stay tuned in the coming weeks for such guest stars as Matt Bomer, Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka, and Lilly Rabe (who it’s whispered will be reprising her “Asylum” character). Snuff films! Amirite?!!?